


fire drills

by kusuos



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Banter, Boys In Love, Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Coming Out, F/F, Fluff, Getting Together, Like Three Whole Chapters of It, Like a Like of Handholding, M/M, Soft Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, eventual fake dating, hand holding, hux's pov, in which the only thing denser than Hux is a black hole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27483997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kusuos/pseuds/kusuos
Summary: self indulgent high school au“You know, it feels weird when you call me that,” he said.“It’s your name, dumbass.”“Yeah, but you always call me Ren. It’s special.”CURRENTLY ON HIATUS
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren, Phasma (Star Wars)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 61





	1. soft speak with a mean streak

**Author's Note:**

> they're both 17 in this fic, don't be weird. kudos and comments appreciated, they're what motivate me to write

“Get your ass off my desk, Ren,” said Hux. 

Ren rolled his eyes and swung his legs from the side of the table to the empty chair next to Hux’s, combat boots clunking, and leaned forward to rest his chin on his hands, dark hair falling into his face. 

“I meant it Ren, get your ass off my desk, or I’ll slit your throat,” he replied, waving the x-acto knife he was using to cut out small pieces of cardboard in his direction.

Ren smirked. “How terrifying.” 

_“Kylo.”_

Hux jabbed the knife in his direction once more for good measure. 

He _finally_ hopped off the desk, sliding into the chair his feet had been resting on moments before and leaned over Hux’s cardigan covered shoulder. 

“You know, it feels weird when you call me that,” he said softly.

Hux scoffed, his hands steady even with Ren’s imposing and energetic presence so close to him. He scored lines into the cardboard, not cutting all the way through so he could fold and shape it after. 

“It’s your name, dumbass.”

“Yeah, but you always call me Ren. It’s special.”

“It is _not_ special, _Kylo_ , I don’t even like you, why would it be special, I fucking _despise_ you,” said Hux, keeping his tone soft so Ren would know he wasn’t being harsh. 

Ren raised his eyebrows. “Despise me? You adore me, Hux.” 

The redhead grumbled. 

“Don’t you have a sculpture to be working on too?” 

“I finished. Wanna see?” 

Hux laughed, a small bright thing that reminded Kylo of broken glass “Are you sure you want to hear the answer to that?”

“I’m going to show you either way.” 

Ren pushed out of his chair; it squeaked against the floor as he did, and grabbed Hux by his free hand. `

“Come on, loser,” he said, pulling him over to where he had been working before. 

The sculpture was beautiful, and though Hux would never say it out loud, it was better than his own. It was made out of sheets of metal that had been bent and stacked, in Ren’s favorite colors of red and black and it portrayed the familiar emotion of anger.

Hux’s creations were more clinical, which wasn’t a surprise to Ren since he had only signed up for advanced sculpture because Ren was in the class, and it was the closest thing he could get to an architecture course at their high school. 

As much as he hated to admit it, he was used to being in Ren’s presence, having grown up together, he was used to being stuck at their parents’ stuffy political gatherings, or going to the mall on the weekends, where Hux would watch Ren spend hours at Hot Topic searching for the perfect accessory, and spending late nights in each other’s rooms, working on projects. 

Ren was familiar, and while he could be volatile and distant at times, he was one of the few people willing to put up with Hux’s sharp sarcasm and closed off barriers. 

After admiring it for a while Hux to face Ren. 

“It’s really nice.” 

A small smile crept its way onto Ren’s face at the compliment; praise from Hux was rare, and he was often shy to show affection or approval. 

“Thanks,” he said shyly. 

Hux walked back to his desk, Ren following him, and slid back into his chair. He slipped one of earbuds in and offered the other one to Ren, signaling that he wanted to be left alone so that he could concentrate on his work. 

He pressed play on his phone, and Ren had to stifle a snort. 

“What?” asked Hux.

“Lana del Rey?” said Ren incredulously. “Of course your dramatic ass listens to Lana del Rey.”

“Excuse you, Norman Fucking Rockwell is a masterpiece, _and_ , it’s good to work to,” he replied defensively. 

“Whatever you say Hux.” 

Hux rolled his eyes. 

“Fuck off, Ren, at least I don't listen exclusively to Green Day and My Chemical Romance.” 

“You listen to them too,” he retorted. 

“Only because you play it in the car when we drive home together. Do you really think that I’d listen to that _noise_ with my own free will.” 

_“Hux,”_ Ren whined.

Hux elbowed him in the side lightly. 

“Let me work in peace, you bastard,” he said.

Ren grumbled, but he shut up and let Hux get back to meticulously cutting the cardboard into small strips. 

* * *

After their class was over, they went their separate ways. Ren heading to physics and Hux heading to pre-calc. 

Hux slid into his chair with a sigh, looking up when a tall blonde walked up to where he sat. 

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

She had a faint British accent that was eerily similar to his own and she was wearing a leather jacket and black stiletto heels, that he was ninety percent sure were against school dress code, contrasting with Hux’s gray cardigan and red converse. She was new to the school, or at least Hux had never seen her around, sure that he would’ve remembered someone as impressionable as her.

Normally, Hux would have said no; he liked sitting alone, Ren being the only exception, but something in her made him pause and say yes. 

“Sure.”

A small grin crept onto her face. She looked down at him; he guessed that she was taller than him, by at least two inches, mostly from the heels. 

As she bent down to slide into the seat, she spoke. 

“I’m Lyn, call me Phasma.” 

“Armitage, call me Hux,” he said with a grimace. 

She saw his expression and laughed. 

“Looks like we both got shitty first names, my full one’s Gwendolyn.” 

Hux smiled, genuinely, the one he usually reserved just for Ren. 

“Yeah,” he said softly. 

They continued talking quietly; they were seated in the back and their teacher had given them time to work together on some practice problems, and they’d finished quickly, Hux doing most of the work. 

“Did you move here recently?” Hux asked. 

Phasma shook her head. 

“I just transferred from Outer Rim private school, I hated it there, and after a shit ton of begging, my parents finally let me switch schools.” 

“Oh, I see.”

Hux went silent after that, not used to talking to anyone else except for Ren, who carried most of their conversations with his energetic speech, content to ramble on about his latest interest while Hux listened and occasionally threw in some sarcastic commentary. 

Phasma gestured to his phone, snapping him out of his haze and said, “Someone’s texting you, your phone keeps buzzing, it must be important.” 

He lifted his phone to find five messages from Ren. 

**_From: Ren_ **

_im bored 12:37 pm_

_hux text me back im boooored 12:37 pm_

_goddddd i hate physics 12:37 pm_

_if snoke doesnt shut up abt thermodynamics im going to commit a felony 12:38 pm_

_i cant believe ur actually doing ur work and leaving me here to die of boredom 12:38 pm_

Hux stifled a laugh and quickly typed out a response. 

**_To: Ren_ **

_Pay attention, I’m not going to help you catch up on the work you missed 12:39 pm_

_And you’re not going to die, class ends in five minutes 12:39 pm_

Hux turned off his phone and turned to face Phasma again. 

“Sorry, Ren just wants attention,” he said. 

“Ren?” 

“He’s my—” 

Hux paused, trying to find the right word. 

Friends felt too simple for what they were to each other, though they bickered and fought, they knew the other was looking out for them and would always have his back. 

“He’s my friend,” he said, not wanting to get into the mess that were his emotions just then. “You’ll meet him at lunch if you want to sit with us.”

“Okay,” she said happily. 

With that, the bell rang, and Hux rose out of his chair and grabbed his backpack, gesturing for Phasma to follow him. 

He headed down to the cafeteria, walking quickly to make sure he could get there on time to save their favorite table. 

He ducked into a seat and Phasma sat across from him. After a while, Ren emerged from the lunch line holding two bags of chips, a smoothie and a bottle of iced tea. He passed a bag of sun chips and the tea to Hux, and opened his own bag. 

After taking a few bites, he nodded in Phasma’s direction and asked, “Who’s this?” 

She smirked at him, guessing that he was who Hux was talking about during pre-calc. 

“My real name’s Lyn, call me Phasma.” 

Ren’s eyes lit up at the fact that he wasn’t the only one with a name change, and said, “I’m Kylo.” 

Phasma noted that the name he gave her was different from what Hux called him, another thing that made their relationship different. There was obviously something there, but both of them were oblivious or unwilling to talk about their own feelings.

“Me and Phasma have pre-calc together,” said Hux.

“Ugh,” Ren said at the mention of math. 

He hated most of his classes except for art and english. He was a more creative thinker, not wanting to be chained down by rules and procedures. 

“You know, you’d actually be good at math if you paid attention,” said Hux. 

Ren rolled his eyes and rested one hand, which was partially covered by an oversized red and black flannel, on his chin. 

“I’d much rather text you under the table instead.”

Phasma laughed, surprised at how honest he was. 

Hux’s face flushed and he bent down, getting his notebook out of his bag to hide his blush. 

He turned it to the day’s notes and passed it to Ren so he could take pictures of it and copy them down later. 

“Thanks Hux,” he said genuinely.

“You’re welcome.” 

Phasma laughed again. 

“You two really are something else.” 

The pair turned to face her and both started speaking at once. Phasma was pretty sure that Hux was threatening to kill her in her sleep and Ren was struggling to form a coherent sentence.

In the end, Hux got tired of threatening her, especially once he recognized that he didn't really mean it.

They spent the rest of lunch like that, laughing and eating together, Phasma laughing while Hux’s sharp tongue poked fun at Ren, until the bell rang again.

* * *

The three were pleased to find out that Phasma was in their english literature class as well, having gotten there first she waved them over to the spot in the back where she’d saved them seats. 

They chatted while they waited for their teacher, who was also Ren’s uncle, to start the class. 

He walked to the board and announced that they would be starting a project where they had to choose a novel and analyze it together.

“Get into groups of three and start discussing which novel you want to choose.”

They looked at each other and nodded, having decided that they’d work together instantly. 

“We can go over to my house after school today if you guys are free,” said Ren shyly. 

Hux was glad that he offered, sparing him from having to come up with an excuse as to why they couldn't do it at his house. While he lived in a nicer neighbourhood than Ren and his house was larger, he didn’t want his friends to see what Brendol was like, only having brought Ren over once for dinner, after which he had gone to his room and broken down while Ren held him. 

“That works for me,” said Phasma and Hux, almost in perfect synch, though Hux said it more absentmindedly, it snapped Hux out of his thoughts.

For the rest of the class, they discussed different novels to choose, and while Ren really wanted to read “Dracula”, they eventually settled on “Pride and Prejudice”, since Phasma had already read it at her old school. 

When the bell rang, they split up, already ready to be at Ren’s house after school, in each other's company again. 


	2. counting seconds through the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux starts to figure things out. (tw for a bit of internalized homophobia)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter was a little short, it was a horrible week. you can find me on my tumblr (arkaniiis) or my twitter (kozumefiims), the next chapter will hopefully be out on friday again!

After they were done working on their project, dividing up who would be reading which parts and what kind of presentation they were going to do, a shout from Leia let them know that Phasma’s mother had come to pick her up. 

She shouted a quick goodbye as she headed down the stairs and to the front door.Hux and Ren echoing it back to her. 

With that, Hux and Ren were left alone in Ren’s room. 

“I-” 

They spoke at the same time, laughing quietly, then Hux saying, “Go ahead.” 

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” asked Ren. 

Hux was quiet, thinking about his options. 

He could say yes, and hopefully come home late enough that Brendol was passed out on the couch, drunk, but he didn’t know how late that would be and he didn’t know how long he could stay at Ren’s house. 

“You can stay as long as you want, you can even sleep over if that works for you,” Ren said, almost as if he’d read his mind. 

“Thanks,” said Hux softly. “Let me text Brendol and ask if it’s okay.”

**_To: Father_ **

_Staying the night at Ren’s house to work a project. 5:32 pm_

He turned off his phone and slipped it back into his pocket and turned to face Ren. 

“Thanks for offering, I just don’t want to get home to find-” 

Ren smiled a small, soft smile and squeezed his hand to reassure him. 

“I know, you’re good,” he said

They stared at each other, Hux’s face growing warm when he noticed that Ren was still holding his hand. 

Hux opened his mouth to say something, but Ren spoke and the moment was gone. 

“So do you wanna just drive around for a while? I want to avoid my mom so I don’t get roped into helping with dinner.” 

“Sure,” Hux replied, standing up from where he was sitting on Ren’s bed. 

Ren followed him, spinning around in his desk chair before getting up. He tossed Hux the keys, Hux barely catching them, before Hux would ask if he could drive. 

Hux enjoyed driving, but didn’t own a car; he knew way better than to ask Brendol for one, so he drove Ren’s whenever he could. 

Ren always let him, and thought it was a little endearing that Hux was always offering to drive, trying to be subtle about asking, but Ren was a terrible driver and was glad that Hux enjoyed it. 

They walked into the garage, Ren slipping into the passenger seat and Hux opening the door on the driver’s side. 

As Hux backed out of the garage, Ren connected his phone to the car’s bluetooth system. The opening notes of “Rebel, Rebel” floated out of the speakers, and Hux smiled. 

Bowie was one of the music choices the pair could agree on, so Ren played it whenever Hux drove him places. They’d gone on many drives just listening to “Life on Mars” and talking softly, Hux mostly about his father and Ren about college and Leia’s expectations. 

Hux always felt safer in the driver’s seat of Ren’s black Mazda, sometimes safer than he did at home even. He felt safer with Ren in general, he thought.

The thought made him freeze. He was pretty sure that that wasn’t a thing that normal friends had about each other, but since when was anything about him and Ren normal? 

He felt a warmth close over his hand that was resting on the gearshift, and looked down to see that Ren had closed his hand over his own. 

“This okay?” asked Ren tentatively.

Hux nodded and turned back to focus on the road, trying to hide the fact he was blushing again. 

Damn his pale complexion. 

“Where are we going?” Ren said nonchalantly, oblivious to Hux’s internal crisis over them holding hands. 

“I thought we’d head to the park? It’s getting dark and you usually like it out here at this time. We can watch the sun set.”

A smile slid over Ren’s face as Hux spoke. 

“That’s perfect,” he said, running his thumb over Hux’s knuckles gently. 

Hux shivered at the touch. 

They fell silent, letting the music wrap around them and fill the space. 

Ren jumped out of the car excitedly when they finally came to a stop, heading towards their favorite spot.

He may have been 5’11 and dressed like an emo stereotype, but in that moment Kylo Ren looked like an overgrown puppy dog. 

Once he reached the spot, he crouched down and moved into a position where he was laying on his side, gesturing for Hux to come join him. 

Hux locked the car and followed his path, laying down as well.

They sat in silence, waiting for the other to say something. That was the way they were with each other, tentative but always sure they’d be there to catch the other if one of them fell.

Hux was the first one to speak. 

“You know, I think I missed this.” 

Ren snorted. 

“You think? I thought you loved me more than that.” 

_I thought you loved me more than that._

It felt as if time went completely still for Hux. 

He didn’t love Ren, not like _that_ at least.

But why did he blush whenever their hands touched, why did he feel warmer inside when Ren smiled than he ever did, why did he feel safe in his presence? 

“Hux?” Ren said quietly, concerned that Hux had gone silent and still. “Are you okay?”

When Hux didn’t answer, Ren said, “I was just trying to joke around with you the way we normally do, I’m sorry if I did something wrong.” 

“I know you get anxious really easily and I’m sorry if I triggered that, I-” 

Hux cut him off. 

“You did nothing wrong, Kylo.” 

Ren was surprised by the use of his first name. Hux said it filled with meaning, not dripping with sarcasm the way it had been earlier, like it meant something that he couldn't say just yet.

Hux continued. “It’s just me. I’m sorry, I just-”

Ren was the one to cut him off this time. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, we can talk about it if you want or we can just lay here together, the sun should be setting soon,” he said. 

“Okay,” Hux said gently. 

Ren moved closer to Hux tentatively, seeing if he would pull away. He didn’t, moving closer too so that they were lying side by side, just a small bit of space between them. 

Hux was silent again. He had always known that there was something more in what he and Ren had, but he’d never let himself think about it before, pushing the thoughts down with all his strength, knowing he’d never be able to come out, not at home at least, Brendol would throw him out of the house if he knew, would never let him see Ren again. 

He knew he’d never looked at girls like the other boys had, never wanted a girlfriend, tried his best to hide his blush when he saw other boys changing in the locker room. 

He moved his hand ever so slightly close to Ren, an offer to take it in his own hand.

Ren did, a small smile on his lips, and Hux’s hand warm in his own, fingers interlaced . 

_I’m gay_ , thought Hux confidently for the first time. _I’m gay._

He mouthed the words quietly, barely a whisper, like practice for when he’d eventually say it out loud to Ren, and then the rest of the world.

As the sun set around them, washing them in tones of pink and orange, and with Ren’s hand in his, Hux felt more certain than he had in a long time. 

_I’m gay._

He whispered it this time, quietly, but still confident. 

“What’d you say?” asked Ren softly. 

“I’ll tell you later,” Hux promised.

He would. He wanted to tell Ren, but first, he needed to figure out his own feelings. 

Hux knew he felt _something_ for Ren, but he wasn’t sure what it was. He was pretty strange to relationships, and he always thought it was something that just wasn’t meant for him, not what was actually just years of internalized homophobia. 

Was he willing to tell him how he felt and risk ruining their friendship? He didn’t know yet. 

At least he knew he wanted to Ren he was gay. 

It felt wrong to keep something this big from him, someone he shared every part of his life with, his other half. 

_Soon._

_He’d tell him soon._

* * *

When the sun had stopped setting and it had gone dark, the pair headed back to Ren’s car. 

Ren offered to drive, but Hux quickly shut him down. 

“I don’t trust your driving when you’re fully awake, and you’re about to pass out on me right now,” he said. 

“No ‘m not,” Ren mumbled.

Hux rolled his eyes fondly. 

“Yes you are, now come on, your parents are going to wonder where we went.”

Ren grumbled at the mention of his parents, but got in the car nonetheless, the passenger door slamming shut behind him. 

They drove home, in silence except for the sound of Cigarettes After Sex playing quietly through the speakers, Hux’s choice this time, since Ren was asleep against the car window.

He drove them through town, taking the long way back to Ren’s house to give him a few more minutes to sleep. 

When he pulled up in Ren’s driveway, realizing he’d have to wake Ren up eventually. He placed his hand on his shoulder, over the soft flannel fabric that covered his torso, and shook him gently awake. 

He mumbled softly, blinking until he registered where he was. 

“I fell asleep?” he asked, his voice in it’s gentle post sleep state that had become familiar to Hux after long drives to the park and nights at Ren’s house. 

It was one of his favorite things to hear, second only to Ren’s laugh. 

“Yeah, you did,” Hux replied, a small smile on his lips at Ren’s still not quite awake state. “Now let’s go, it’s time for dinner. 

Ren ran his hands through his hair twice to try and tame it, it having become slightly disheveled after laying in the grass and falling asleep against the window. After a glance in the rearview mirror decided that his hair was in a little bit better condition, he grinned at Hux.

“Let’s go?” he asked. 

“Wait,” said Hux, and reached up to tuck a strand of hair that had fallen into Ren’s face behind his ear. 

Ren blushed, and turned to open the car door. 

Hux followed him, walking around to the front door, waiting as Ren put his key in the lock. 

Ren walked inside with a shout of “We’re home!”, and Hux followed, shutting the door behind him. 

_Home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, comments and kudos are appreciated !!


	3. take only what you need from it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things finally start happening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long to update, it was a hectic week and my depression was really bad so i had no motivation to do anything. the next chapter should be up by next week? as always, comments and kudos are appreciated. love yall!

Dinner was a disaster. 

That was how most meals were at the Organa-Solo house, especially when Han was home and not working late at his auto shop like he usually was, commenting on Kylo’s every little mistake and endless comparisons to his sister: Rey.

Hux sat between Ren and his sister. She was a freshman, and had always been close to Ren; before she became friends with Finn, Poe, and Rose, she always used to beg them to take her places. 

Recently, Ren’s relationship with Han had changed something between them, Ren always trying to be better than her, cold when Rey asked him if he wanted to go out together and his intense glare turned on her whenever Han praised her. 

Hux watched Han rave about how well she’d done on an engine at the shop after school, something unreadable in his gaze. He knew how much it hurt Ren to hear it, but he couldn't help but be proud of Rey, as he’d watched her grow up and knew her almost like a younger sister. After Rey had gotten old enough to work at the shop, Ren had stopped going, telling Hux that it wasn’t worth the effort when she would just show him up anyways. No matter how hard he tried, it would never be good enough for Han. 

He could see Ren’s hands clenched tightly around his silverware at Han’s praise, cutting into his food with more force than necessary. 

Hux placed his hand on Ren’s knee under the table and squeezed reassuringly. 

Ren softened at the touch and slumped back in his chair, the fight gone out of him. 

He placed his hand over Hux’s and laced their fingers together. Hux turned towards him, leaned in close, and whispered “It’s okay” into Ren’s ear. 

Ren nodded, and tightened his grip on Hux’s hand. With his free hand, he picked up his fork again, and started picking at his food.

Han opened his mouth as if to say something, but before he could say anything, Leia glared at him, a silent threat in her eyes. 

"You know," she said, "I'm glad that you and Ben have each other, Hux. He was on his own for so long before he met you and it's good to finally see him in a relationship."

Hux was about to correct her, angry that she'd used Ren's birth name, than almost spat out his water when he realized what she'd said 

A relationship?

He and Ren weren't like that. They were just friends, right?

Hux's thoughts started racing. 

But then why do you hold hands all the time and why did he feel like he was on fire every time their eyes met; why did Hux shove down the urge to press his lips to Ren's every time he tucked Ren's hair behind his ear when it fell into his face while he worked?

You want more than that, said a small voice in his head. 

You want so much more, you want all his smiles, you want him to laugh like that just for you, you want him all to yourself.

Hux came back to the moment when he realized Ren had let go of his hand and was shouting at Leia. 

"What the fuck do you know? Even if Hux and I were..."

He trailed off and took in a deep breath, as if the next part was hard to say. 

"Which we're not—"

"It wouldn't be any of your business anyway." 

Ren stood up suddenly, his chair screeching against the tile of the kitchen floor, and motioned to Hux.

"Come on, let's go." 

Hux followed him upstairs, and the rest of the table stared at them as they left. 

Rey looked like she wanted to follow them, but Hux shook his head at her, and shot her a look that said 'I'll handle it'. 

* * *

Ren had grabbed a stuffed beagle and ran his hands anxiously over the soft fabric it was made of. Hux watched him 

They sat on Ren’s bed in almost complete silence for more than five minutes, the buzzing of Hux’s phone (from what were most likely texts Rey had sent under the table trying to make sure if they were okay) the only noise in the room.

Hux broke the silence. 

“I can’t believe she thought we were together, I mean we’re close but it’s not like that—”

He was rambling now, trying to cover up the fact that Leia had thought what he wanted most was true, and it was so out of reach now; Ren would never return his feelings, and he could never tell him, it would ruin everything. 

There was something clawing at his chest, and suddenly he couldn't breathe. 

Ren noticed it, he’d always been able to read Hux like an open book, and grabbed his hands. It was so similar to how they’d been earlier, but now the air was charged with crackling energy. 

“Deep breaths Hux,” said Ren. “Just follow my lead, you’re going to be okay.”

After inhaling and exhaling deeply for a few times, Hux managed to calm down. He noticed he was squeezing Ren’s hands so tight they were starting to turn pale, and he quickly dropped them. 

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, embarrassed that he’d let his anxiety get so out of control. 

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Ren said sharply. “It’s not your fault, and I’ll always be there to help you out of it.” 

Hux’s chest warmed at the sentence, and something compelled him to pull the taller boy into a hug. 

They sat there like that for a while, an unspoken promise to talk about it the next day between them. 


	4. packed lunch, school crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which more things happen and Hux is an idiot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i took so long to update! im working on another post tfa kylux fic so that's occupying most of time rn. if you enojyed it please leave kudos and/or a comment, they're what really motivate me to keep writing. <3

They’re lying in Ren’s bed, backs facing each other. It’s almost midnight, but neither of them can sleep. 

He’s ethereal against the bedsheets, hair spread around him like a halo, Hux thinks. He wants to curl up against him and press his face into his hair, hold him tight and let him know _you’re mine and I’m never going to let you go._

He couldn't though, Ren didn’t return his feelings and judging from his reaction to what Leia had said, it wouldn’t go well even if he did tell him. 

And it’s not like Hux has enough courage to do it, just the thought makes him feel sick, with want and fear at the same time. 

He wants so much but it’s all out of reach. 

Eventually after they’d hidden upstairs for an hour, they’d gone downstairs and Leia had apologized and Ren had grumbled and Hux had stared at the floor until she just walked away. 

Hux picked a documentary about black holes for them to watch, and they settled in against each other on the couch. 

Both of them were enamoured by the documentary, though while oblivious to Hux, Ren’s gaze wanders to watch him.

They’d been okay then, their bodies relaxing against each other like they were used to doing after years of friendship and overcoming the tension between them. 

The movie had finished and third gone back up to Ren’s room to sleep. 

It’s been almost an hour and neither of them are asleep, they’ve shared a bed often enough for Hux to tell by his breathing. 

Some part of him wants to bring it up and get it over with, confess his feelings and finally be free of hiding this massive burden, but he knows it’ll ruin everything, and he’s rather still have Ren as his friend and not knowing than knowing and never speaking to him again. 

Ren turns to face him suddenly, and Hux almost falls out of the bed because of how surprised he is. 

He braces himself for the worst, a habit formed from years of living with Brendol.

“I’m sorry I told Leia we were dating,” comes out instead and his mouth falls open. 

“Wh– what?” he manages to get out, and Ren repeats what he just said. 

Ren is rambling now, going on about how Leia had kept going on about how she really wanted to find someone that made him happy and when he was going to bring someone home and he’d just snapped and said “Hux makes me more than happy enough.” 

He won’t stop apologizing and it hurts to see him think he’s done something wrong. 

“Ren—“ he starts, and Ren turns to face him.

They’re closer than he thought now and he can feel the warmth radiating off of him like a human furnace. 

“You could’ve just asked me,” he continues. “You know I'd do anything for you, you’re my best friend.” 

He tacks on the last part to keep it from feeling like a love confession, he’s said it before but the tension between them has shifted into something electric and he feels like one wrong move and he’ll be struck. 

Ren’s eyes soften at the words, and he extends his hand. Hux takes it timidly. 

“We’ll figure this out,” Ren says, and Hux believes him, like his words have the power to speak it into existence. 

“You know, I would’ve fake dated you if you asked.”

The words fall out of Hux’s mouth almost automatically and it takes him a second to realize what he’s just said. 

He’s about to take it back when he realizes that it’s the closest he’ll probably ever get to a real relationship with Ren, even if it’s like something out of a shitty romance movie. 

“You would’ve?” Ren asks and Hux remembers he’s in the middle of a conversation. 

“Yeah. Wait-“ 

Ren can almost see the gears in his head turning. 

“We can just tell Leia that you freaked out because I wasn’t ready to tell anyone and then we can act like we’re together.” 

Ren stares at him blankly. There’s something unreadable in his gaze but he nods and sits up. 

“We’re really doing this huh?” he says as he squeezes Hux’s hand like a promise. 

Hux nods. It doesn’t feel real just yet, and he’s sure he’ll regret it in the morning but something about the night makes him at least close to sure that this is what he wants. 

* * *

In the morning he wakes up with bags under his eyes, which is a pretty usual occurrence. He grabs his clothes from the drawer, he’s over at Ren’s house so often that he keeps sets of clothes there, and heads for the bathroom. 

He changes and when he comes back, Ren is sitting up and rubbing his eyes. 

He mumbles a “morning”, not yet awake enough for full sentences and Ren returns the sad excuse for a greeting.

Hux yawns and asks, “Did you think about what we’re going to say to her today?”

Ren blinks. 

“Who?”

“Leia. You know, about the dating thing?” he responds. 

Ren’s face goes slack with realization. 

“We’re really doing this, huh?” he says. 

“We are.” 

Ren nods and leaves to get dressed, leaving Hux alone. 

The reality of what he agreed to last night hits him suddenly. 

He’s going to pretend he’s dating Ren. 

_Ren, who he loves more than anything and is just doing this to fix things with his mother. Ren, who definitely doesn’t return his feelings. Ren, who he’s loved for so long that he wants to make up for lost time._

This is going to hurt him more than he imagined, he thinks, but it’s the closest he’ll ever get to the real thing. 

And something in him can’t help that hope that it’ll end up just like a rom com and Ren will fall for him. 

It doesn’t hurt to hope.   
  



	5. it must be nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long to update, things at home aren't going great and i got my meds changed so it took a toll on my mood. love u guys <3

They walk downstairs hand in hand. 

Leia does a double take, and Ren just announces, “We’re dating now.” 

Hux had expected him to be blunt, but not that blunt. He probably wanted to get it over with, like ripping off a bandaid. That’s how Ren usually is, he notes, charging through life because who has time to be scared? He’s brave, he thinks, maybe the bravest person he knows.

Leia blinks and stares at them, and Ren keeps talking, his words getting faster in that way they do when he’s trying to get everything out and move on. 

“I just freaked out last night because Hux wasn’t ready to tell anyone, and speaking of, if you tell anyone-” 

Leia cut him off. “What kind of a person do you think I am, Ben?” 

Hux’s eyes sharpen at the use of Ren’s birth name, and moves to correct her, but Ren holds him back. “It’s fine,” he whispers, and Hux nods, even though it isn’t fine, she always calls him that and that’s not who he is, that’s not his fucking name. 

He deserves better, Hux thinks, than this shitty family he’s left with, better than Leia and Han. 

Hux realizes his thoughts are starting to ramble and turns back to the conversation. 

Ren and Leia are on the verge of a shouting match, he realizes, and it’s getting late. If they don’t leave soon, they’re going to miss the bus. 

Hux tugs on Ren’s hand and pulls him towards the door, muttering an apology to Leia. “If we don’t leave now we’re going to be late and miss the bus, we’re not driving today.” 

She nods but looks dejected, and Hux and Ren rush out the door. 

* * *

They meet Phasma in the courtyard. She’s saved them a table, her backpack and notebook spread out to claim the spot. 

Ren lifts his free hand in greeting and Hux mutters a hello. She glances at their intertwined hands, and says, “That’s new.” 

“We got together last night,” Hux says. They don’t have an agreed story, they just decided that they’d tell whatever fit best to whoever asked. 

“I’m happy for you,” she says with a smile, and it seems like she genuinely means it. 

“Thanks,” Ren mutters shyly. 

They sit down and start going over the parts they already have done and then start dividing up the remaining work. The three of them got there early, so they’re able to finish up by the time the bell rings to let students know that the first class period of the day starts soon. 

Ren walks Hux to class, carrying his backpack for him. They do it to keep up appearances, Hux reminds himself, not because Ren actually cares. 

If he’s being honest with himself, they really don’t have to change much to fool everyone, they were already close enough and half the school thought they were together already. 

But he enjoys the easy closeness, the shared intimacy, and Ren had been a lot more willing to give it to him than he thought he would be. 

Before he walks into AP US history and they part ways, he presses a kiss to Ren’s cheek. 

“I’ll see you in art class, love,” Hux says quietly, so no one overhears them. 

No one is watching, but he keeps the act up for continuity’s sake. 

“Love you,” Ren mutters shyly, so softly Hux is almost sure he’s hallucinated it, and in his shock turns around and runs into the classroom. 

His cheeks are flushed again, curse his stupid pale complexion. 

It’s not like he didn’t know Ren loves him, at least platonically, he shows it every day when he helps him with his homework, when he leans against him as they ride the bus home together when Hux is too tired to drive, when he drags Hux to dinner with his family when he’s so caught up in his work that he forgets to eat. 

They’ve just never said it out loud before, and never in a romantic setting, never while they were that close. 

He’s an idiot, he thinks to himself. He didn’t even say anything back, and he just ran off like some fucking coward. Ren’s going to think he said something wrong, when in reality, those were the words he most wanted to hear from him. 

He sighs. 

If only he really meant it. 

* * *

Hux’s classes fly by, and by the end of the day, they’ve all blurred together into one mess of memory, except for math and art, which are remembered by conversations with Ren and Phasma. 

He even spaced out for english literature, just put his head down on his desk and let Ren and Phasma do all of the work. 

He feels a little bad for doing it, but he didn’t want to face Ren after running away, and he didn’t want to hear Phasma’s comments on their “new” relationship. 

When the last bell of the day finally rings, he takes his time going to his locker and getting his stuff to bring home. 

Ren waves at him from their usual spot on the sidewalk. People are already starting to get onto the bus, and he runs over to him so they can get a good seat. 

“You’re late,” Ren says. 

“I had to talk to Mr. Snoke after class,” Hux lies. He doesn’t know why he does it, or why he suddenly feels bad for ghosting Ren for most of the day, but he does. 

They take the bus home together, crammed into a seat only meant for one and a half children, not two lanky teenage boys. They’re practically sitting on top of each other and Hux revels in the closeness, the tension from earlier forgotten. Ren hasn’t brought it up, and if he doesn’t they’ll forget about it and move on. 

“How’s Phasma doing on her part of the project after we talked this morning?” Hux asks. “I wasn’t paying attention during class, sorry.” 

“I know, it’s okay. She’s doing really, well, she’s gotten more done than I thought she would.” 

“That’s good,” Hux says in reply. 

They’re silent for a while, then Ren speaks shyly

“I thought she liked you, you know,” he says. “I was surprised she said she was happy for us.” 

Hux stares at him then doubles over with laughter. When he can finally breathe again, he speaks. 

“Ren, Phasma’s _gay._ Even gayer than we are, and I’m like ninety percent sure that she has a girlfriend; I’ve seen her walking around the school with this dark haired girl.” 

Ren’s snorts, and his eyes go wide. “But she was all over you! You always came out of math class talking together and you even invited her to join our group for the project, and you _hate_ doing that.” 

“Because she was new and I was trying to be nice to her? And plus, I like Phasma, she’s cool.” 

Ren leans his head on Hux’s shoulder. 

“I’m still your favorite, right?” 

“Of course, love, you don’t have to be jealous, there was nothing between us” Hux responds. He presses a soft kiss into Ren’s dark, wavy hair. His cheeks go red with warmth, but Ren doesn’t seem to notice and he grins.

“I wasn’t jealous,” he says petulantly, but they both know it’s a lie. 

They promised only to show physical affection when others are watching, Hux is pretty touch averse, his dislike for physical contact having developed after years of being hit by Brendol. There’s no one watching them, but one can never be too cautious. Plus, Hux may as well make the most of what is going to turn out to be a disaster. 

Ren hugs him closer, and Hux sighs happily. The way they’re sitting isn’t all that different from the way they usually are, but there’s a more relaxed familiarity between them, something that came with the fake dating agreement. 

They stay that way until the bus reaches their stop, and then they clamber off the bus. Ren grabs Hux’s hand, his eyes asking, _“this okay?”_. Hux nods and together, they walk home. 

* * *

Hux spends that night at his own house. 

He avoids Brendol as much as he can, answering his questions over dinner with a simple _“yes sir”_ or a nod. 

After working on his physics homework for a while, he changes into his pajamas and takes his glasses off, damp hair that’s free of its usual products falling into his face. 

He sits against the headboard, scrolling through Instagram, when he sees he’s been tagged in a photo. 

It’s a post from Ren, one they’d agreed to make last night, announcing their “relationship”. In the photo, he’s pressing his lips to Ren’s cheek and he’s laughing into the camera, laughing at the joke Hux had told just before he’d taken the picture.

There’s no caption except for a red heart emoji, and he feels his face go warm again. He likes the post and shares it onto his story, making sure to post it to his close friends list so none of his relatives see it and tell Brendol. 

He sighs. The fake relationship is more work than he thought it would be, but at the same time it’s easy, being with Ren. 

Something pushes him to text him, so he opens his messages and sends a simple, _“I saw the post, nice job,”_ and a _“goodnight, love.”_

They hadn’t talked about pet names, but Ren hadn’t protested when he’d called him it. 

His phone chimes and he sees Ren has responded with _“‘night”_ and another red heart emoji. 

He smiles, drifting off to sleep thinking of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed please leave kudos and/or a comment, they're what motivate me to keep writing.


	6. moving forward and not looking back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a few quick scenes and an almost kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed please leave kudos and lmk what your thoughts on todays update are in the comments!

The next few days go about the same way. 

Ren doesn’t say “love you” again, and they don’t address it. They ride the bus together, since Ren says he doesn’t want to go through the trouble of making Hux walk. 

He spends most of his nights at Ren’s house, but they go out for dinner more often than they stay for it ever since that disaster of a meal happened. 

Leia doesn’t say anything, but insists that they leave the door open when they’re in Ren’s room together, since they’re “dating” now. 

Ren thinks it’s ridiculous, but he doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t want to give them away. 

They study, hang out with Phasma, and finish their English literature project. They fall into an easy routine, holding hands as they eat lunch in the courtyard and Hux leaving Ren notes, slipping them through the slots on his locker.

Ren is alone in his room when he hears a knock on the door. “Go away Mom.” 

A slightly accented laugh, one he’d recognize anywhere, comes through the door, and then it opens and Hux walks into his room. 

Ren looks up at him from where he’s sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed, macbook open on his lap. “You know you don’t need to knock, right?” 

“There’s a sign that says ‘do not enter’ on the door, remember?” Hux points out as he sits down next to Ren. 

Ren stares at him. “Since when has that ever applied to you?” 

Hux stares back. “Oh,” he says quietly. He doesn’t know what else to say. 

“You’re my best friend, Hux,” you don’t have to knock to come in.”

Hux scoots closer to him and leans his head on Ren’s shoulder, instead of speaking, letting the touch convey what he doesn’t have the words for. 

They stay like that until Leia calls them for dinner, not a single word spoken. 

* * *

People start approaching them in the hallways as they get more open with their public displays of affection.

They say things like “I knew you two were together,” and ask about how long they’ve been dating. 

Ren doesn’t really mind it, but Hux hates the attention. 

Sure, it’s good that people will spread the word to make it more believable, but the more attention is on them, and the more people know, the harder it’ll be for them to keep up this act. 

_This is all an act._

He has to keep reminding himself that. He keeps getting caught up in the way that Ren holds his hand and presses soft kisses to the top of his head and he keeps forgetting that he can’t have this for real. 

When he drops him off, at his own house this time, his father is there waiting for him. 

“Where the hell have you been?” 

Hux flinches internally but manages to stay still. 

“I was working on a group project with my classmates. We were at one of their houses.”

Thankfully, Brendol seems to believe him. He walks back to the kitchen where he’s working on his laptop, probably writing another harsh email to the school about how they raise degenerates and they aren’t strict enough. 

Dinner goes surprisingly well, and by well, Hux means that they don’t say much. They make small talk, like one would make with a guest you haven’t seen in a while, and Hux is glad that he doesn’t have to endure a lecture or a beating. 

He cleans up the kitchen and Brendol retires to his room, probably to drink himself into oblivion. 

Hux sits on his bed, working on homework on his laptop. 

His phone buzzes next to him, it’s Ren, asking to facetime. 

He swipes to accept the call and Ren’s face comes into view, he’s walking up the stairs in his house, probably going to his room so he can have some privacy. 

“Hey,” Hux says, and Ren can hear the smile in his voice, knows he’s smiling even though he’s not looking down at his phone. 

Ren shuts the door behind him, then smiles down at Hux’s face on his screen. 

Hux is ready for bed and his hair hangs loose into his face, his reading glasses that he swears he doesn’t even need, abandoned to his bedside table and Ren can make out the texture of a cardigan on his shoulders. 

“Hey.” he says, smile widening as he speaks. 

Ren has the hood of his black hoodie pulled up over his head, dark waves of hair spilling out the front. 

“Any specific reason you called?” Hux asks genuinely. 

Ren shakes his head. “I just missed you.” 

Hux’s stomach flutters. 

“I missed you too.” 

Hux falls asleep on the call, talking to Ren until the late hours of the night. 

* * *

They’re in Ren’s room again. Phasma had come over for a while, just to hang out. Ren invited her to bring her girlfriend, Sabrina, who Phasma had told them about that day, with her next time they got together, and she smiled at the offer, saying that she would. 

She’d left, leaving them alone together, Hux sitting against the headboard and Ren’s head in his lap, letting Hux play with his hair while he scrolled through his phone, occasionally finding something funny and showing it to his fake boyfriend. 

After a while, he gets a text from Brendol and stands to leave. 

Ren follows him to the door, and Hux is about to walk out when Ren grabs his sleeve and turns him back towards him. 

“Stay,” he asks, so softly it’s almost a whisper. 

Hux can’t bring himself to say no. 

“Okay.” He brings a hand up to cup the side of Ren’s face, and rests his other hand at the place where his neck and shoulder meet.

“Hux,” he says softly. 

Ren leans in and Hux thinks, no he _hopes,_ that he’s going to kiss him. 

They’re close, closer than they’ve ever been before, and Hux has subconsciously backed Ren against the wall next to the door. 

He’s terrified, but if he doesn’t make a move soon, he thinks it’s going to kill him. How can you hide your love for someone for so long and not let it eat you up inside? 

He really wants Ren to kiss him, wants it so bad that it hurts. He doesn’t care if it’s going to ruin everything. 

It’s almost as if Ren reads his mind. He used to swear he was telepathic when they were younger, they’d practice reading each other’s thoughts from across the classroom, texting under their desks to confirm that they were right. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Hux doesn’t trust himself to say words, so he nods. 

Ren takes him by the back of the neck and presses their lips together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating for a while, i've been kind of lacking inspiration for kylux so if you have any idea or headcanons, drop them in the comments pls!


	7. let's be what we are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath of the kiss and the gang hangs out for a while

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i took so long to update and that this chapter is so short, ive been kind of losing motivation for this fic; hopefully ill find it again and be able to update again by next week. (also i renamed this fic so if u didnt recognize it this used to be cough syrup)

Ren’s lips are soft against his. 

They kiss for a while, and when they break apart, both their faces are flushed red. Ren is smiling slightly, but Hux feels like he’s going to throw up. 

Why did he say yes? He’s fucked this up, he’s not really ready to be in a relationship, _god,_ how is this going to work with his father being in the picture, he won’t ever be able to do this for real. 

He can feel his chest getting tighter the more he thinks, anxiety setting in. 

Ren's hand closing over his brings him back to reality. 

"Are you okay?" he asks. 

Hux nods, not trusting himself to speak. When he can finally find the words, he says, "It's good we kissed, we're going to have to kiss in front of someone eventually, and it's good practice." 

Ren nods. "Yeah, practice." 

Hux winces and wishes he'd just have the courage to confess his fucking feelings, but he can't. He can't be in a relationship, especially not a gay one, Brendol would find out and kick him out of the house. 

"Can we practice some more?" Hux asks shyly. He wants to have this, at least for now, wants to take as much as he can get and as much as Ren is willing to give. 

Ren nods and brings their lips together again. 

* * *

Phasma brings her girlfriend with her when they walk to Starbucks after school. Hux orders a coffee that's actually more syrup than coffee and Ren laughs at him for it. The rest of the group gets frappuccinos and they sit down at a table in the back, away from where all the people are. 

Phasma's girlfriend is a short dark haired girl with almond shaped eyes that Hux vaguely recognizes from orchestra. Sabrina, second chair cellist, his brain supplies. She's smart and almost as quick witted as Hux and she gets along with everyone surprisingly well. 

He holds Ren's hand under the table, and blushes slightly when Phasma realizes what they're doing.

"You guys make me sick," she jokes. "I'm jealous for some unknowable reason, and I'm not even single." 

At that, Sabrina smiles and kisses her on the cheek. 

Hux is happy for her, for Phasma, that she finally has someone else. She always felt a little bit like an outsider when he was with Ren, and he's glad that she has her own person to call her own. 

* * *

Ren is playing another videogame and Hux is scrolling through instagram as they sit on the floor next to each other again. 

"Should we practice some more?" Hux asks, breaking the silence that was punctuated with the clicking of Ren's fingers on the playstation controller. 

"Sure, but if you want to kiss me, you don't need an excuse, Hux," Ren says. 

Hux's entire face goes red, but he leans up and presses his lips against Ren's, eventually straddling his waist to sit in the taller boy's lap. 

"Oh," he says when he pulls back. 

Ren smiles. "Yeah." 

They still don't explicitly talk about it, Ren wanting to wait until Hux is ready and Hux not being able to find the right words to say how he feels, but it feels like something's shifted after that, like gears are finally starting to click in all of the right places. 

Ren plays with Hux's hair as they hold each other, sitting on the floor. It's sort of become _their_ spot, one that's special to them only. No one else comes in Ren's room except for Hux, and it makes him feel likes he's floating sometimes, like he's high on Ren's affection. 

* * *

Hux dozes off during AP chemistry as his teacher drones on about ionic bonds. He knows all of this anyways, and he'll refresh the material when he helps Ren study it later. 

His best friend's never been the best at school, so Hux helps as much as he can. When he finally gets out of school, he heads to Ren's house like he usually does, this time meeting him there since he had to stay after school for an orchestra rehearsal. He drops his violin case and his backpack at the front door and slips of his shoes before he heads upstairs to Ren's room. 

They study together, Hux explaining 

He watches the way Ren's hair falls into his face when he leans over his textbook, wanting to kiss him again. 

He sighs. At this point he's not going to be able to get anything done. 

Ren realizes he's distracted and looks at him. "What, am I distracting you?" 

Hux blushes and nods. Ren laughs and pulls him in for a kiss. 

They've been kissing a lot recently, almost more than a normal couple would, and he's starting to think he'd rather die and end their fake relationship. 

He's gotten used to the taste of Ren on his tongue, gotten used to fisting his fingers in the other boy's dark hair. 

He's going to get his heart broken. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave kudos or a comment and ill love u forever

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to follow my twitter (translawliet) or my tumblr (msbyjckals) for writing updates and bits and pieces of upcoming chapters !! if you enjoyed this chapter please leave kudos or a comment <3


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